This week, I’d like to share an intriguing excerpt from a book I recently finished.
Every day, we face negative emotions that we may not want to confront. Many of our memories are tied to how we dealt with these emotions as children—were those experiences pleasant or traumatic?
Recent studies suggest that recognizing our emotions is far better than evading them. Becoming aware of our feelings helps free us from unhealthy behaviors, addictions, or self-harm, opening the door to a rich and fulfilling life.
In her book 90 Seconds to a Life You Love, Dr. Joan Rosenberg introduces a tool for experiencing unpleasant emotions safely. She presents a formula called the “Rosenberg Reset”: one choice, eight feelings, 90 seconds.
“If you can make the one choice to stay aware of and in touch with as much of your moment-to-moment experience as possible, and you are willing to experience and move through one or more 90-second waves of one or more of eight unpleasant feelings, then you can pursue whatever you want in life.” — Dr. Joan Rosenberg
Here’s how it works:
Pay Attention: Monitor your daily experiences closely, focusing on thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. Tuning into your emotions keeps you grounded in the present moment.
Identify Emotions: As you become aware of your feelings, Dr. Rosenberg suggests working through one or more of eight unpleasant emotions: sadness, shame, helplessness, anger, embarrassment, disappointment, frustration, and vulnerability. Recognizing the physical sensations associated with these emotions can help you avoid the biochemical reactions linked to them.
Be Present: Allow yourself to sit with each emotion and its physical manifestation for up to 90 seconds. This practice helps your body release the biochemical reactions, allowing the physiological sensations to subside. This is what’s known as a “Wave of Emotion.”
In simple terms, “riding the wave” means acknowledging and experiencing your emotions without reacting inappropriately. Fighting emotions like sadness and anger delays acceptance; instead, by staying present, you can surf the wave of your feelings—much like ocean waves, they will eventually subside.
Like any skill, “riding the waves of emotion” requires practice. Each of us develops our own approach to mastering it. As Dr. Rosenberg emphasizes, it offers a true path to authenticity and freedom.
